Toilets, The Crimea and Carnie Shits
The light in my office toilet is on the fritz, blinking in psychedelica before plunging the toilet-goers into complete darkness. Previously, my wee visits would take a matter of moments – enough time to check for perverts in the cupboard, do my business, wash my hands, and be on my merry, emptier way. Now? I can’t properly check the cupboard for wayward masturbators. Hell, I can hardly find the fucking toilet, which could wind up slightly embarrassing when my trousers are at my ankles and I’ve had a few too many cups of coffee.
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Fergie once stayed with me during her now-heavily talked about ‘I was an urban yoot with a crystal meth addiction. Did I mention the meth? I did? Did I mention how I was very urban?’ phase. Funny that, the Fergie I was forced to spend time with was an stab-yourself-in-the-ears annoying valley girl with fame for brains and a laxative fixation.
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